IVAN STORIES When he was three Rachel: I’m your mummy and you’re my son. Ivan: And you’re my moon And daddy is the stars and Gwen is a leopard 4.06.09 In the garden talking to the neighbour's cat . Ivan: ‘You're the only one who understands me. None of the others understand me but you do. They say you can't talk, but I know you can.’ 16.07.09 Ivan wants his mum to play with him. Rachel: ‘I can’t Ivan. I don't have enough time.’ Ivan : ‘That's all right mummy. I'll share my time with you and then you'll have enough!" 17.07.09 His teacher puts him on the "naughty chair" for some misdemeanour . Teacher: ‘Now sit there until you've thought about what you've done.’ Ivan immediately jumps up and makes to run off. Teacher: ‘Ivan! What did I say?"’ Ivan: ‘It's alright - I think very quickly!’ 5.09.09 Granny is standing at the sink washing up with Ivan playing on the floor at her feet. There is a Balinese wooden dragon hanging in front of the window. Granny: 'Look at the dragon up there. He looks after me when I'm washing up.' (Pause) Ivan (very seriously): 'I can look after myself.' (Pause) Ivan: 'Grown-ups don't realize I can, but I can.' Granny: 'Why do grown-ups think like that?' Ivan: 'They don't think little people can look after themselves.' Granny: 'And can all little people look after themselves?' Ivan: 'No.' Granny: ' So which ones can look after themselves?' Ivan: 'Only me.' 27.09.09. Ivan: ‘I can count forwards and I can count backwards but how do I count sideways?’ To lady with a very mangy dog: Ivan: ‘Is your dog friendly?’ Lady: ‘No no it’s not very friendly. It’s really old.”’ Ivan: ‘Is he going to die soon?’ To strange lady wearing a fur trimming to her jacket ‘Why have you got a fox in your pocket?’ October 2009 Ivan: When I was little I didn’t understand about accidents and being my fault He seems to be talking about the difficulty of deciding when he can use the excuse ‘It was an accident”. He always likes to present himself as now knowing about things and tells stories about how he was kind to people at school – helped them put their shoes on etc. Other people on the other hand are sometimes “mean to me”. When he reports that he hit Nikolai it is ‘an accident’. He is trying very hard obviously to be a good boy – but is quite creative in his reporting of his own good behaviour. I sometimes get the feeling he is sounding me out about how bad certain behaviours might be by ascribing them to other people! Perhaps I am just projecting my own memories of my 4rth birthday when I bit my friend and then accused her of biting me!! Nov 2009 Ivan says he loves daddy one mile, Gwen two miles, mummy three miles, granny and grandpa 4 miles and the kittens 6 miles! Nov 2009 Ivan (to granny very seriously): Can you be cross? Granny: Yes I can be cross sometimes Ivan: Oh Granny: Did you not think I could be cross? Ivan (shakes head): Mummy says you can be cross. (Pause) Why are you cross? Granny: I get cross when people are unkind. If you were unkind to mummy or a friend I would be cross. Did you not think I could be cross? Ivan: No. Granny: That’s because you are always a good boy with me so I don’t need to be cross. (Spoke to Rachel afterwards and she told me how Ivan was very naughty at the weekend and pushed 2-year-old cousin Joseph on the stairs. Nothing happened as Rachel was there to catch him, but obviously Rachel impressed on Ivan how naughty he had been and said she would ‘tell granny’ – which Ivan doesn’t like to hear.) Ivan is struggling with the idea that perfectly nice people can eat meat and animals eat each other. Ivan (hopefully): ‘Granny are you a vegetarian?’ Granny: ‘No Ivan. I eat meat.’ (Pause) Ivan: ‘Some people are vegetarians. Some people eat fish. And some people eat meat. (Pause) ‘And then there are cannibals.” June 2010 Rachel has taken him to a tea shop and a number of grey haired women come in. Ivan: ‘Look mummy – a herd of old ladies!’ February 2011 Ivan;: Is “No” a strong word? Rachel: Ermm???? Ivan: Would it shock a professional? April 2011 Bedtime questions from Ivan in the space of about 5 minutes No.1 Ivan: Does space go all the way down? Rachel: erm… Ivan: Does space go all the way down as well as all the way up? No.2 Ivan: What does ear-wax do? No.3 Ivan: If you are rich, how can you be priceless? May 2011 Ivan ‘s school has an Inset Day and he is spending it with Granny. He always shows a lot of interest in Harry. Where is he? Is that one of his toys? Etc. Harry sometimes plays exciting games with him – water pistol fights etc. So in the morning he asks the usual question. Ivan: Where’s Harry? Granny: Well he’s upstairs asleep but he has to go to school in a little while, so why don’t you go up and wake him? Ivan goes towards the kitchen door, but when he reaches it turns back. Ivan: I think I’ll be safer with you. Granny: Safer!! Are you scared of Harry? Ivan nods. Then reconsiders. Ivan: Nor scared. Shy Granny: Why are you shy? Ivan; He’s so OLD (said with a lot of feeling). Even older than Gwen. Granny; But I’m much older than that. And even Joachim is older than Harry. Are you scared of us? Ivan : No Joachim has come into the kitchen and Ivan lets him pick him up and give him a cuddle. Granny So what’s different? But he can’t explain. Joachim thinks it’s because Harry is a cool guy and is miffed because that implies Ivan doesn’t think he is cool! I think it is because Harry, OLD as he is, is still classed as a child by Ivan, and so is more scary than an adult who can be assumed to be reasonable and not do unexpected, potentially scary, things!! June 2011 Granny has bought Ivan and Gwen some chocolate buttons and is sitting on the red couch watching Scooby Doo with Ivan and eating buttons. The cat peers round the door. Granny; Do you know cats can’t eat chocolate? It makes them very sick. Ivan: I think a three-year-old would know that. Rachel, remembering how some children have been having fun dressing up as insects. Rachel: Would you like to make an insect hat? Ivan: But that would be sooo small! Ivan spending an Inset (“Insect” in his words!) Day with Granny. Ivan: I don’t know if God is real. Some people think he is and he made everything. But where did he get all the stuff? ……There must be more than one God. How could one God make everything? One tree would be enough for one God probably. Further conversation reveals he has heard of the God of Love and the God of War. He’s also thinking about a time machine and thinks one will probably be invented soon. But he seems to think that its purpose will be to take humans to other planets. And his idea of the past doesn’t stretch very far. Talking about Cave men he thinks John and Rachel wouldn’t be alive then but I get the impression he was surprised Granny wasn’t around!! Before Christmas 2011 Ivan: Why did those people call their baby ‘Jesus’ when people always say that name in bad and rude ways? January 2012 On Rachel’s telling Ivan that “Uncle David’s here. He spent the night”: Ivan: “Oh I thought dad looked a bit weird!” Spring 2012 Ivan “if you were to photograph a shooting star and put it on slow motion and I raced it would I be faster?” Sept 1012 Ivan “Are you happy with your path through life Rachel?